Vegas,baby !

O.M.G.Las Vegas-beyond words.Volcanos you can set your watch by,lions in a hotel lobby (boo),the Eiffel tower,Venice and Rome all in a mile long road and seering heat that could melt your shoes.Even at night.Bonkers.
The buffets; they were to be my downfall.My record was 4 desserts but they were small,mind.
After struggling in a 110 degrees of heat i ordered Ruby a large coke in the Coke store(shaped like a coke bottle obviously) and this is what arrived.We didn t know whether to drink it or paddle our feet in it.
yes,it s the Eiffel tower ofcourse.In the Venetian hotel and casino you could go on a gondola and get married.In Caesar s Palace you could see the Trevi fountain.In Luxor you can walk round the great temple of Rameses .You can win a car on a slot machine.And you can see Celine Dion every night of the week.Barking mad .

Still california

We went to Sequoia National Park to see huge trees and black bears but only actually saw their droppings.I had previously watched several Deadly 60 s with the lovely Steve Backshall to prepare myself for meeting these bears.(look as big as possible-no difficult after all the peanut butter-throw rocks at it s body-don t run).I did learn from the lovely Steve that they have an amazing sense of smell which is why they would rip the top of your car off to get to one tiny crumb of bagel stolen from the Bellagio buffet the previous night..
We visited the aquarium at Monterey which was a visual feast.Tanks so huge they had massive shoals of fish swimming in mesmerising circles and glinting like jewels.
There had to be stacks of campbell soup tins !
Evidence that we never got the hang of living out of a suitcase.We may as well have just tipped it all out onto the floor every day.

Californ I A

Yes,followers,I am returned from the United States of America.Oh and we had a great time.Firstly i managed to eat my own body weight in peanut butter.People keep asking if i was inspired when we were out there.Oh yes,my friends ,I was inspired by the massive packets of peanut butter m & m s (yes such a thing exists)-inspired to eat them that is.Evidence below..
Ofcourse there were crazy shaped booths,and churches for birds (below) and you could have botox literally on the pavement .You can take literally any leftovers home from a restaurant but you can t take your own food (peanut butter m & m s )into a cinema.You can get around anywhere on one of those crazy segways and you can literally be the only person on the sidewalk(pavement) because no one walks anywhere.They think you re lost.And no we are not from Australia or Down Under.Neither do we know Pippa Middleton (which we were asked).